How to include family in your elopement
Including Your Family in your Elopement
You may be wondering how to include your family in your Elopement. There are lots of reasons to invite your nearest and dearest to your ceremony. But for a lot of couples, there may also be reasons you might not want to. Awkward or uncomfortable family dynamics, unsupportive comments, and past hurts can’t be ignored. And here’s the harsh truth: You can’t please everyone. I’ve tried. Instead of trying to cater to what everyone else wants – “You have to invite the whole family!” “You can’t invite them, or I won’t go.” “What will so and so think?” – Have the day that YOU want! Here are some creative ideas on how to involve the loved ones you do want to include!
Even if they can’t be there with you, don’t worry! With a little creativity and planning, those that you love can participate in your ceremony! Idea #4 will even work for your pets!
How to tell family you are eloping
One of the first things you should decide as a couple is if you will be keeping your upcoming elopement a secret. There are pros and cons of each. Telling your families in advance that they won’t be invited to your ceremony can be really tricky, so only tell them if you really want to. Remember, this day is about you – not fulfilling other’s expectations.
Telling your family you are eloping
- Is courteous to your family
- You may receive pushback and negativity towards your plan
- You may be pressured to include them
Not telling your family about your elopement
- Allows you to enjoy your elopement without judgement
- You can send an announcement afterwards
- Your family may feel blindsided
If you are eloping without family present, you can send a message to your family to let them know. Here’s how to tell your family about your elopement before it happens.
Here’s how to tell your family about your elopement.
“Hi [loved one],
We are so excited about our plan for our marriage that we couldn’t wait to share it with you! Together we have decided to combine our honeymoon with our marriage ceremony, and will be eloping privately in [location] in [month, year]. We feel this decision is exactly what we have always wanted and truly reflects our personalities as a couple. We are grateful for your support and well wishes for our marriage.”
How to elope with your kids
If you have kids, including them in your elopement is a no-brainer! It is easier to elope with kids than have a big wedding day, especially if your kids are under 5. Kids come with their own set of needs, and you’re already used to accommodating them. You know better than anyone what your kid will need to be happy. Do they love the beach? Make a giant sandcastle with them and then get married inside of it! Are they into hiking and exploring? Take them on an unforgettable National Park summer road trip.
Top five kid friendly elopement locations
Tips for planning an elopement with kids
- Your kid doesn’t need to be dressed in a fancy or uncomfortable outfit. Bring out the dinosaur onesie.
- Include your kid in your planning and ask them what they want to do, include or say.
- Snacks. Need I say more.
- Plan to stay close to your elopement location to cut down on travel time.
- Eat at your accommodation with a private chef or takeout so you can put your kid to bed and relax.
- For blended families, plan to give a small but meaningful token to your non biological kid(s) during your ceremony.
I hope that these ideas inspire you, and help you feel close to those that matter most on your special day!
6 Fun Ideas on how to include your family in your elopement
1. Invite family to send letters for your elopement
A wonderful way to feel close to your family and friends if they’re not at your elopement takes just a little bit of preparation. So, send everyone a slip of paper. You can personalize them by sending out beautiful custom stationary (and support a local artist!). Have the recipients write their best wishes for you and mail them back. There is something romantic, whimsical and meaningful about a hand-written note. Giving loved ones time to think about what they’d like to put on paper can be an advantage! This can translate into a flurry of mini-toasts for you both to read. Children can draw on the cards, so truly everyone can participate! Imagine reading out a dozen letters of love from your people, feeling their humor and heartfelt wishes for you!
Depending on how many cards and letters you get, it’s up to you to decide how to read them! Display them at your ceremony in a bowl with a rock on top to keep them from blowing away. Read them along with your vows. You could even string them up in your Airbnb or open them after dinner together in front of a fire. It will feel like christmas morning! Afterwards, put them in a time capsule and read them on your first anniversary, or open a few every day of your honeymoon to make it even more special.
2. Have family send digital letters for your elopement
If snail mail isn’t your thing, ask everyone to email a story or bit of well-wishing before the elopement. If you get a lot of emails, you can have a calligrapher write them all out. Bind them into a book, or print them and turn them into paper flowers or origami. How adorable would that be? Better yet, you could also ask everyone to record video of themselves reading out their wishes and support. Bust out the laptop! Watching a playlist of these messages from your friends and family will be priceless! The best part is you can enjoy them anywhere – at the top of a peak or on the shore of a lake at sunrise. And because they’re recorded, you’ll get to “keep” their toasts!
Here’s how to invite your special people
to send you letters for your elopement.
“Hi, [loved one.]
We value your role in our relationship and want to include you and feel your presence on our upcoming elopement day. We invite you to participate in the following way(s):
– Please write your well wishes on the provided stationary and return them in this envelope. We will open and read them out during our ceremony!
OR
– Please record a short video message for us to watch on our day. Think of this like giving us a private toast that we get to keep and replay. We will save your videos until the wedding day arrives!
We can’t wait to share our elopement photos with you as soon as we get them. Thank you for virtually joining us on this adventure!
With love,
– [ Your names ]”
3. Handfasting Ceremony with Family Ties
The ancient wedding tradition of Handfasting has become popular again. It involves tying a cord around the joined hands of the betrothed. The colors of the cords can also have special meaning. If you choose to be handfasted, involving your family and friends is easy. Have each of them send you a ribbon. You may choose:
- A select palette of colors that coordinates with your vision
- Neutral shades
- A wild, joyful rainbow of colors
Each color traditionally has a significance as well! Share this list with your family so they can choose what to wish you.
- Red is for love, strength, and health
- Orange is for kindness, encouragement, adaptability
- Yellow is for harmony, balance, and confidence
- Green is for prosperity, fertility and luck
- Blue can be safety, longevity, patience, and understanding
- Purple signifies power, progress and health
- Black is for wisdom, vision, and power
- White is for truth, peace, devotion, and purity
- Pink is for unity, honor, and happiness
- Brown means earth, nurturing, and healing
- Silver is for protection, inspiration and creativity
Braid or twist them all together to create your very special, personalized handfasting cord. Once the community cord ceremony is over, you can tie the ribbons into your hair! Or keep them in decorative knots for display in your home. Just don’t untie or cut your handfasting ribbon, as traditionally this symbolizes the end of the marriage. Yikes!
4. Include your Family by Printing Them Out
I’m a dork, so I’m a big fan of life size cardboard cutouts. This isn’t a practical option when you’re hiking, though! Still, there are so many ways to include your family in your elopement by bringing a print. Consider writing your vows on the back of photos of your family – so your partner can see them as you read! Bringing framed photos can also give you that feeling of your family being “there.”
5. How to livestream your elopement
Zoom has become the go-to for virtual gatherings, but it’s not the only option you’ve got. Particularly if you don’t need to interact with those viewing your ceremony. Twitch, Youtube, Vimeo, Facebook—all provide a platform to livestream your event, giving friends and family the chance to watch you tie the knot and exchange promises. Twitch and Facebook have text chat options so you can go back and read their well-wishes as you view your ceremony after your big day. If you want voice interaction, you have several options there as well:
All of these platforms can record your gathering, so you can rewatch it! This makes a virtual broadcast one of the most popular ways to include your family in your elopement. However, you’ll have to plan ahead to get cellular service!
6. Include your Family in your Elopement Day
This option is like having your cake and eating it! You can choose to have an intimate ceremony with your family to witness it. Then take off together as newlyweds, like a hike to a sunset overlook. You can even flip the script and keep your ceremony to yourselves. Meet up with your families for dinner afterwards and share the joy of the day that way. It is YOUR day, and you can include or not include people in whichever way feels right to you! Consider a two day elopement to really have it all.
If you liked this guide, check out my related elopement guides!
How to Plan your elopement series:
1. – How to plan an elopement
2. – What to do during your elopement
3. – How to plan an elopement ceremony
4. – Here’s how to write elopement vows
5 – What to wear to your elopement
6. – Including Family in your elopement – You are here!
7. – How to include your cat in your elopement
8. – How to save money on your elopement
Co written by Rae Redford-Beyer